how to break the victim mentality
Happy Thursday, Reader
The victim mentality and mindset has never been more rampant.
The “Oh woe is me” “life’s not fair” types seem to be increasing in volume.
I get messages, comments and emails at times saying
“Milan, it’s not as easy as you think, I have X problem and Y problem”
But if only they understood this universal truth and law…
That the external world and circumstances you experience,
are only ever a mirror of your internal architecture.
In other words,
stop blaming the world, for showing you your own reflection.
[p.s - want to watch/listen instead of read, click here]
It’s easy to shift the blame, to the government, to your family,
or friends for ‘holding you back’
And whilst I agree that to some extent,
there is an element of control or constraints to grow
Ultimately, you always have a choice.
That’s what the 1% understand, on some level,
everything is a conscious choice that you are making.
A mental agreement that you are entering...
To either become an active participant and a co-creator in this world
Or a passive member in the audience, letting life happen to them.
Being high agency was defined by George Mack as: you happen to life
Being low agency is: life happens to you.
Therefore, all progress lies with those who have high agency.
Or the unreasonable ones, who simply won’t accept what is given to them or laid out for them to conform to.
The path to becoming high-agency is through mastery:
⊙ Establish consistent routines that don’t depend on motivation
⊙ Measure progress based on the labour and refinement of your skills rather than outcomes
⊙ Surround yourself with others pursuing mastery in their domains
⊙ When facing setbacks, ask “What can I learn?” and “What can I control?”
Nature's Rule
Nature has an amazing rule
It follows the path of least resistance in order to regain its natural order and balance.
And unfortunately for us, the path of least resistance can knock us out of the way.
When nature takes this path, and life throws you off-centre,
you should have a way to re-centre as quickly as possible.
My personal definition for being high agency would be the amount of time it takes to re-focus and go again when you are thrown a problem.
Those who are high-agency have a common trait,
that separates them from those who blame the world for their problems
Can you guess what it is?
Radical self-accountability.
When you take accountability for where you are,
for your current situation, and your internal world
Something happens...
At first, you become angry at yourself,
for allowing yourself to fall short of your potential
And then, you cultivate gratitude,
for being shown and given the opportunity to change
And you channel that anger into transformation
through intention and action
Anger can be alchemized into transformation through the container of gratitude.
This cycle repeats over and over again and creates progress.
I’m not saying that all progress comes from anger, in fact,
a lot of it comes from flow and not force thereafter
but that initial rewiring of your mind from thinking that
The world is happening to you
To the world is happening through you (or coming from you)
Is a pivotal moment in realizing your unmet potential.
It’s an obstacle that most never overcome,
and therefore they continue strengthening their victim mindset.
This isn’t even something you can fully blame them for per se,
because the deeper your programming, the harder it gets to break free of it.
Your level of awareness and consciousness determines what you see in your external world,
and if you haven’t overcome that initial barrier
Then you will continue to find ‘evidence’ that the world is out to get you.
And the more evidence you find, the more you affirm this world view.
Whether it’s the latest tax laws
Or you digging into your past and blaming your parents and upbringing for where you are now
You will literally create this evidence.
Then the more likely it is you live out the rest of your days as a victim of reality and not a co-creator of it.
This is 98% of people.
The world is nothing but a mirror
And if you want to change the reflection, it starts from within
You can’t expect to look into a mirror,
and your reflection’s wearing different clothes to you
The mirror will never smile before you do.
So you can’t be mad at it, for showing you an objective truth...
...that you just don’t want to see.
The paradox is
No one consciously wants to be unsuccessful, unloved, or poverty stricken
But if you are, you have to accept on some level that you did consciously order that for yourself.
Your conscious mind sets “prompts” (yes like AI lol) into your subconscious mind,
and then your conscious mind buries that.
Just like when we forget where put our keys,
but we did in fact leave them somewhere.
So then change comes from making the unconscious conscious again,
or else it will direct your life, and you will call it fate, like Carl Jung said.
Einstein said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.
…Most people are insane. (I’m not exempt)
They don’t create the intention to break the loops that they are in,
and live an ‘unlived life’
I heard Dr James Hollis say that the unlived life can make a person ill - there’s a sickness under death where the human spirit is being repeatedly violated - and much in our culture violates our spirits.
Now there’s two ways of responding to this statement.
- I knew it! Our culture is DESIGNED for us to lose, and to kill and violate our spirit, it’s no wonder I’m sad, unfulfilled and unloved.
Or
2. So even if the culture we live in is designed to kill my spirit, what is still in my control? How can I opt out of the game and invent my own one to live that instead and beat this illness?
Can you guess which one creates the outliers?
The truth is, the world and the universe is impartial
it doesn’t care that you care.
It responds, to what you are.
It responds to your internal architecture and inner engineering.
If you don’t do the work to address the reflection that you’re seeing,
and instead hide from it,
then you will continue receiving more of it until you do decide to face it.
Are there circumstances that are genuinely unfair and hold you back?
Of course, but you can still always return to the question -
“what can I control here?”
And let’s face it, if you’re seeing this,
you probably have the foundation to build from.
Mastery is developed in your ability to adapt to environments and to the outcomes of your previous choices.
And also in accepting that you are experiencing the results of your choices, always.
Even if there is a time lag involved.
Even if you forget that you made that choice, it will always return to you,
and you have to backtrack to find out why -
that’s radical self-accountability.
When my business was sabotaged a few years ago, I lost millions of dollars in potential revenue - was I mad about it? Sure
But I quickly recentered and reframed how I saw the event
Not as a catastrophe, but as an opportunity to rebuild in a new way,
had that not happened, you wouldn’t be seeing this now.
The universe whispers its clues to you in the chaos,
so your ability to remain still will determine
whether you hear and see the opportunities that others will miss.
There is no external solution to an internal problem.
Just like how most medicine only masks the pain...
The only way you create lasting change is by addressing the roots.
“Inner precedes outer, as within so without, As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.”
We’re told time and time again, every generation,
I’m just planting the same seed in you…
So, stop blaming the world for showing you your own reflection
Instead, take accountability for it
Use that as fuel to alchemize into transformation
And watch as the world around you begins to radically change too.
P.S - If you're ready to accelerate through to the next level, here are some ways I can help you...🔮
Until next time,
Milan | Untethrd
